so tired. legs achy from whole day of standing. and mentalli tired from having to deal with unhappy customers. its not my fault the company sux. i realli oni am doing my job.. :(

haiz. another long day tomolo.. :(

i've GRADUATED!!

finalli, exam over.. now i'm no longer an undergraduate but a graduate.. yahoo!!! :)

the exam i couldn't finish ;( the stupid paper was basicalli asking for the whole pdt development process.. wat a big waste of time... then had to rush down to expo.. the job's pretty ez, i just stand around giving leaflets and attend to enquiries. i heard that the dvd-rw selling for $199 was sold out within the first 2 hours of the fair.. i hope i'm still getting the free one as promised.

my stupid contact lences broke today. it had to choose today of all days to break. it cracked when i was washing it and i was like "huh???" cos it nv happened b4. its been less than 2 years.. going to demand a discount.. damn shop.. hate to have to wear my specs esp out.. my nose is so small my specs keep slipping down.. and i look so grandma when that happens..

i got into Barclays' second round of recruitment!!!! I'm so happy!! now i'm supposed to submit my resume online and wait for interview i think.. i hope they dun reject me cos of my results though :( its realli not a true show of my capabilities.. i just made a mistake in choosing computing... :( hope all goes well..

i feel that this song describes my feelings realli well..

普通朋友 (作词：陶吉吉　作曲：陶吉吉)

等待　我随时随地在等待　做你感情上的依赖

我没有任何的疑问　这是爱

我猜　你早就想要说明白　我觉得自己好失败

从天堂掉落到深渊　多无奈


我愿意改变 (what can I do)

重新再来一遍 (just give me chance)

我无法只是普通朋友　感情已那么深　叫我怎么能放手

但你说 I only wanna be your friend 做个朋友

我在你心中只是 just a friend 不是情人

我感激你对我这样的坦白　但我给你的爱暂时收不回来

So I 我不能只是 be your friend　I just can't be your friend

no,no,no,我不能只是做你的朋友　不能只是做普通朋友


i love david tao.. his words realli realli touch me.. :(

my fren just sent me this link:
video of a playground

watch it. please. it freaks me out..

i saw something liddat in real life b4. you noe those carpark metal chains to stop ppl from parking ? it was swinging and swinging. with no one near at all. and it was the kind that was too heavy to swing becos of wind. i was walking past with a fren and its like those things u dun notice until u suddenli think back. we were quite a distance from it after walking past and i had a nagging feeling something was wrong with the stretch of road i just passed. i looked back and saw that the chains were still swinging. luckily, i was with a fren then else i would have freaked out.. i was like "look.. that thing is still swinging.. can u see?" and he was like "yah.. just continue walking.. dun think bout it.." and we sort of half ran and half walked the rest of the way.

my hairs are all standing up just recalling the incident.

this has been a veri undisciplined few days.. keep playing gunbound to take my mind off things.. (including studies.. :( ) nv study much to tell the truth.. supposed to be sending out job applications but i haven't gotta all my stuff ready.. just been going out and going out.. :S

made a new fren today.. ivan's fren's fren.. haha.. long story... but she's from NIE and realli frenli and i think we click pretty well :) we exchanged phone numbers and promised each other to keep in contact and meet up next week.. she's realli sweet and i think its one of the rare few girls that i actualli feel that i can confide in. such a good feeling.. haven had a gf that i realli trusted enuff to tok to in such a looong time.. ever since sec sch actualli.. so much politics going on there liao.. :S

will be working at SITEX (singapore expo hall 5, 11am-9pm) from 27th nov to 30th nov.. basicalli whole weekend burn up.. but thinking of the extra income i feel better. i'll be selling TDK dvd-rw i think.. and the guys are selling intel pcs & PDAs.. so please come and buy :)

1 more day to my paper.. i better start working harder..

took my sis to the ICA building today.. to update her photo on her passport since she gets to go to bangkok in dec to have some band immersion program with the thai kids.. so lucky!! sianz.. have to stay in singapore this hols.. we waited 3 hours since the whole place was packed. almost died of cold and boredom.. totalli inefficient.. zzz.. wasted the whole afternoon there.. argh.. and tot pple would want to come out tonight since tomolo is a public holiday but apparently, everyone wasn't free.. *sob*

i better stop thinking he's ever going to treat me nice again.

wat a horribly boring day. i woke up at 1 and then did nothing but played gunbound. argh. tried to arrange an outing but the guys were so indecisive in the end it was cancelled. i want to watch identity but its ending its run... how how??!!

he nv comes online animore. asked if i was on his invis list but he just said he wasn't home. well.. who am i to ask him aniway. glad he's feeling well enuff to rejoin the society.. but i do miss him. argh.

got my job applications ready.. just have to photocopy my birth cert.. yah .. damn govt bodies.. why do they need ur birth certs aniway??? and my mom has to go hide it in her safe which is so troublesome to get out.. super difficult to get.. if i was lazy to get a job.. that was prolly the reason..

went to ivan's family day at his camp today.. mandai camp (home of the cobras) haha.. the camp was realli big.. but i was abit late and missed the abseiling session by the special forces.. which was supposed to be the most exciting thing.. the dinner was ok.. his frens were all quite funny.. the tanks and the bridge machine were magnificent.. nv saw them close up b4, so was quite a new experience.. :)

back to my studies..

zaiyuan came back from australia liao... keep asking me to go chiong but i live at home now.. :S met up with him and bayde and hl at chinatown.. we went to look at bicycle parts and then he had lunch in this building where the basement had nothing but travel agencies.. i nv been to chinatown b4 so i was quite amazed.. (yah suaku again..)

went to marina square to walk around.. was surprised that zy had become so vain.. haha.. he took such a long time choosing shoes and the whole outing basically became his shopping trip and us giving opinions. he must have had a veri bad experience with a girl cos his whole outlook on relationship became to just earn more money to attract pretty girls.. a veri disillusioned view of love and girls basically. i was reluctant to comment too much but i didn't like his ideas veri much. nice girls who are NOT materialistic still exist and they do believe in true love lor.. (like myself.. )

found out that bayde and the rest going to be working in Sitex next week as well.. but without basic pay, purely working on commission.. gd luck... :S at least i have some confirmed lunch money.. but at least things are livened up with the guys there as well..

we walked ard taka for so long my feet are totalli hurting. walking in heels that are oni 2 inches are killing me.. how do supermodels wear >3 inches and stand ard?? their feet must be dead.. arghh... but at least zy treated us to dessert at coffee club after that to make up for all that walking.. taka having a christmas toy fair.. ALOT of transformers toys for sale.. boi boi.. go and see!! u'll be veri happi.. :) ALOT of little twin stars and hello kitty stuff on sale too.. but all veri ex.. wat a pity.. else i would have bought the twin star stuff..

haiz. thinking bout the happier times again. :(

wanted to hug u from the back in the supermarket cos it felt right to do so but i didn't. managed to feel nothing until i got onto the bus to reflect the meeting. had to fight back tears on the way home.. had u actualli hugged or kissed me, i would have forgiven u there and then.. but i guess its just one of those tv scenes that nv happen in real life.

i'm proud of myself for my behaviour today.

finalli... i think u have to go to http://www.booboogal.blogspot.com to see the updated blog. i've no idea why the www makes such a big difference.. but i can't load it on my pc.. comments anione?

failed attempt to change the darn template of the blog. it totalli looks fine in the preview but looks like crap in the real site. the damn banner ad causing all the trouble.. shall resolve it soon..

closure. such a simple word. so difficult to achieve.

i finalli saw wat a fool i was being. maybe if we had met in uni, things would be different. if we had communicated more as frens, things would be different. but all these things didn't happen, so it's no point thinking bout wat ifs..

things have soured such that u dun wanna meet me, while i'm wondering why u dun want to meet me.. cos it would be awkward DUH. well. i am sad, veri sad, but at least i dun feel like crying animore. i did cry when u said u dun feel like meeting me, but after the phone call, i think i also dun want to meet u animore. the end of the road so fast. realli unexpected. haiz

i wish u all the best in ur future endeavours.

slipped and msged him to ask him if he was feeling better. no reply.. i guess he's prolly ignoring me. he's not online, meaning he went out.. haiz. he's free to go out. but he nv jio me. i guess i realli dun mean anithing to him liao. :(

caught the flu bug finalli.. sniffing the whole day.. and i think i have fever too.. :S at least i'm forced to stay home and save money..

anione has lobangs for used CFA texts? dun see the point of buying new ones.. they're realli expensive.. :S

have been helping dad do some work these few days since i'm free.. and feeling bad that i stay out so often.. better help him especially since his business isn't doing so well..

i managed to not call or even sms him a single time today.. *pats myself on the back* tears came when i broke the news to the guys in the middle of a gunbound game.. they were shocked to say the least.. and they told me to tell him to fuck off.. which i didn't do.. & i dun think i would do that.. :S they were sympathetic.. and they all tot he was afraid of commitment.. i dun no why i didn't see that b4.. but aniway.. i've came to a conclusion on wat i should do. should i not be together with him ever again, its alright, cos it would be his loss.. i'm not going to be negative or curse him, and if he is happier without me, i guess i should be happy for him.. i have to have a veri big heart to do that.. and i guess thats wat i'll work towards..

went for dinner with the guys at holland v.. all the memories came back but i tried veri hard to just not think abt them.. jy and hawx saw me b4 the rest came and they asked. almost in tears again but i tried to be nonchalant about it.. couldn't meet their eyes else i think i would have just broken down.. :( sianz.. met the rest & just pretended nothing was wrong.. they made fun of my short skirt and i was realli realli glad i had them and their support. best pple in the world.. and i realli dunno wat i would do without them.. we later went to the pub for a drink.. wanted to just drink and drink.. :( but i dun realli like beer.. and i knew he wouldn't even care if i got drunk..

please just stop this torture? i beg of u. i'm slowly dying inside, despair is growing within me. i've lost my ability to focus, to concentrate, i've accidentalli bruised myself in a shop with their shelves, cut myself with glass from a broken plate when clearing up the pieces and hit my head against some shelves when looking for stuff. please give this another try?

tots of u keep creeping into my mind, be it when i'm waiting for a bus, or when i'm walking alone.. anitime i have a chance to gather my tots, i realise they're of u. watever u said b4 just keeps returning to haunt me..i hear david tao's songs & it brings ur face to my eyes.. saw alot of viewcams today at simlim which reminded me of u.. waited half an hour for the bus to go home and it only served to remind me of how we walked to bugis from the 170 terminal in the rain.. and everytime i take a bus to bugis.. i just remember the nite u gave me a star seemingly from thin air. haiz. :( i realli dunno how u can bear to do this. to me, to us. and it was all only a few weeks ago..

miss u like crazy

mom cooked my favourite soup today! salted vege with duck.. a little cheered up.. my sis read my blog and asked me bout him.. to my horror, i started crying.. :( can't believe it.. quickly stopped b4 my parents saw.. :(

shifted all my stuff from hall.. i dunno how i managed to accumulate 4 more bags of stuff in my 3 weeks there.. i went with 3 bags & came back with 7.. :S quite surprised..

went to sim lim and bought myself a new keyboard.. strangely, i manage to find a shop selling the keyboard for $14 when all the other shops were selling it for $18.. the logitech newtouch keyboard.. feels quite good to have a working keyboard finalli.. :)

bought something for u mi dear.. i hope it helps to make u feel better.. :)

CHANGE IN ICQ

my icq is hereby 1955142. Please change accordingly unless you dun want to keep in touch.

realised it was exactly a month since u met me that u suggested that u wanted a split. u were scared of losing me u said. i dunno wat made u think that i could stay on as a fren.. 15-Oct.. we went for our first movie together.. and i tot u were a realli sweet guy.. haiz... and we had our first online conversation on 5-Oct.. :(

& it must be fate. last nite, my icq crashed, and i haven been able to log in since, not even installing and uninstalling helps. no way to keep in touch at all..

guys are cruel selfish bastards who only care about themselves

the skies have collapsed on my head, i have no more ground to stand upon.. i have believed and trusted u, and even that has been taken away. i nv tot u would be the one to hurt me, to stick a knife through my heart and then pull it out slowly, cruelly. the pain is excruciating. and u expect me to not feel unhappy or sad. how can i when i'm only human? i truly believed u were the one, i nv felt so giddy about anione b4.. so u realli are one of those who can hold a girl's hands if u have the chance to and then say it didn't mean anithing afterward. i'm realli not the impulsive one here. i remember someone saying he's tot things thru, it didn't matter cos he's always on the receiving end. finalli u're not on the receiving end animore. how does it feel to be on the giving end of the cruelty for once? does it feel good, does it feel exhilarating? does it make u feel like u're god? is your ego inflated to see someone who cares about u break down in tears? u. the last person i tot in the world would hurt me actualli did it. i believed in u becos my frens did despite not knowing u for long. all the glowing comments, all the "wat a nice guy u are" made me gave this a chance. and i always tot u were more mature than this. that u were an officer made me think that more. that u would noe that for every action u take there would be consequence and that u face up to the consequence, not run away. i just can't stop crying. i tried to be strong, to maintain my pride in ur face, but i just can't keep it inside when i'm alone. u were a second chance for me to redeem my mistakes for the past, but realli, i guess its just retribution for wat i did to my past relationships. i did not treasure them as much, they loved me more than i loved them.. and now u've treated me the way i treated them. i believe in karma now, every wrong thing u do WILL come back to haunt you. i'm feeling realli lost, i dunno wat i'm doing.. all i want is to curl up and sleep forever to not think bout u again. and my stupidity. i'm pretty sure i'll wake up as a blind girl with all the crying i'm doing. just hope u're happier now at least without me..

i'm listening to david tao's yue liang dai biao wo de xin again and again. no wonder i can't stop crying. i feel just like the girl in that mtv.

i wonder if being attached = being single?

my reasoning:

if being single means
1. u have no one to ask u bout your day
2. u dun have to ask anione bout his day
3. u stay home nearly everyday with no dates on weekends
4. u receive one sms per day or on some days, none at all
5. u have no one to share ur day with
6. u feel jealous looking at happy couples everywhere
7. u go everywhere by urself

since i'm attached yet all of the above applies to me..
that means being attached = being single.

(haha.. my discrete maths coming into good use! :P)

a hectic 2 days..

wat did happen? i can't realli remember liao.. had steamboat buffet at marina south on wed then cafe cartel for waffles.. had tons of crayfish.. :) YUM.. it was so last min, i did not noe bout the dinner!! aniway.. it was great fun to meet up with the guys again.. despite their continuous jibes at me.. (yah all the sexual jokes are getting abit irritating) was quite a good dinner.. we tok cok until bout 12am.. until they had to chase us out.. haha.. it was a gd evening.. realli missed them..

today had interview at HDB with the guys for temp interviewer.. think my exp as interviewer b4 should give me an edge.. :) but i better find a real job soon.. maybe an internship with SPH at least.. want to be a journallist!! had lunch at PS and walked ard with them for a few hours.. then had to come back to sch for a final presentation.. YAY!! 3 modules cleared!!! so happy.. final paper on 27 nov.. and i'm out of NUS.. !! :') i did it.. finalli... better study hard for my final exam.. (hehe.. as if)

was going to go sentosa this saturday but it got cancelled.. poor response from the guys. sianz!! i haven gone there for so long liao... when can i ever go again?? its so boring to go as a couple.. :S not much u can do with oni one other person.. vball sort of not fun liao.. can oni tan.. haiz.. sianz.. have to find something to do myself liao..

haven seen jx in almost a week.. too bad for him i suppose.. going to enjoy myself with the guys without him since he's forever busy.

Everything that has a beginning must have an end

woke up yesterday at 6am.. yes 6am.. (!!) .. zzz.. not by choice of course.. (who in the right mind would wake up at that hour?! after sleeping at 4 am the nite b4 that is..) think was cos i received an sms.. this will teach me nv to sleep with the phone next to me again.. :( then dozed off again to be woken up by a phone call from my proj mates.. at 9am.. (!!) haiz.. no peace.. turns out the deadline was yesterday nite, and i dunno why they didn't mention that to me.. ah well.. had to wake up and do work.. was so groggy and dizzy.. and then wanted to doze off after the phone call for a few min of snooze when my dad came in to ask me some accounting matter.. zzz .. i was such hot property yesterday morning.. :S

no matter.. finally got things done last nite.. completed the proj parts in the nick of time and sent to them b4 11.. wat a rush.. luckily, i'm such a fast thinker & worker :P lolzz

hooked my sis to gunbound yesterday.. haha.. guess it should stop her from going out too much this hols and making my mom worry she's in bad company.. at least she's under my classmates & my watchful eyes in the game.. :P

watched the matrix yesterday.. not bad.. veri exciting war scenes.. (they usualli ARE exciting i suppose, if a war scene is boring, erm.. it's a failure rite?) heartstopping action during the war of zion against the machines.. very horrible machines they are.. the movie managed to convey the ugliness of machines and the dangers of letting machines overcome humans.. i wonder if such a thing will realli come true.. that one day machines will become so smart that they can think for themselves?? wat a horrible idea.. :( back to the movie, it wasn't as unpredictable as reloaded.. reloaded began with a scene that kept the audience in suspense and anticipation thruout.. whereas revolutions was more of narrating the ending to the story.. the ending of wat was going to happen to Neo was quite predictable the moment the Oracle spoke to him about Smith.. but it was pretty gross wat Smith did to the Oracle.. (hmm, didn't want to spoil the show there for anione reading this but hasn't watched..:P) i think i prefer matrix reloaded for the effects, much cooler, more WOW.. and it made me a fan of the matrix anihow.. :P

filled with hurt and disappointment. :( shall not elaborate.. but as this is the path i choose, i shouldn't regret or look back. haiz. i dun regret. but wat did i do to deserve this? maybe i did too much wrong in my past relationship? retribution probably, now on the receiving end..

now trying to study, but a little difficult, considering i keep playing.. must realli focus.. :S

and on saturday nite... :(

without a date on a friday nite. how pathetic... :(

went to holland v last nite for dinner.. 3214 is finalli oVEr!!! WOOHOO~!!! so happy.. so relieved that its finally over.. and there's a good chance of passing.. (Passing, not getting A) .. and just finished the test for my GEM too.. and thats the end of another module as well!! WOOHOO!!! now oni the 2 TRs left, one will be cleared next thurs.. next one is the exam on 27th nov.. but its open book.. so no worries.. yay!!!! !!!! so happy!!! WOOHOO!! :P

been sleeping not enuff still.. dunno why, i'm exhausted even though i sleep from 3am-1pm everynite.. head hurting slightly.. think i got drenched too much by rain these few days.. head and back hurting.. :(

veri hungry now oso.. think i'll go find some food..

getting hooked on gunbound.. go play pple!!

FINALLY!! there's a test tomolo but i'm freE!! have a feeling will fail though.. :(

did not sleep at all last nite. until just now at bout 9pm... jx was realli sweet to come al the way even though he's like super stressed with work.. thks :P enjoyed dinner with u even though i was super sleepy..

now trying to study for tomolo's test.. getting sleepy but i do want an A for this module..

slept at 4+ woke up at 11, went tuition, fell asleep there.. :( the kid is so irresponsible! exams in 2 days and still nv do her hw.. how to pass?? i can't be bothered liao.. just teach as best as i can.. sianz

how to integrate a system when the rest are still incomplete? seriously, i hate working in aircon, i hate working with the horrible low table, my back aches like mad, and i dun have net access. wtf. keep asking me to go over when its not like u all are ready anyway. this morning ask them to email oso not a word from them. i'm suppose to do all the last minute integrations? knn. feeling veri pissed and vulgar.. :(

had a gd day apart from all that. *smilez* tuition then went holland v for a pure blended ice chocolate.. had a gd time chit chatting. :) back home for dinner and now back to hall for work again. :S am going to have all my fun in 2 days' time. i look dreadful, jx said so.. i can see that too.. lack of sleep is harmful to me.. it shows on me totalli. YUCK. i want some sleep.. :(