千九百八十六：TGIF

finally completed my little crochet pouch!

It's been a long week. I guess it started badly which made it feel alot longer.

I'm feeling a little better, basically went to raid my sister's cupboard for stuff to wear (cos she has alot more dresses/skirt type clothing) and although I didn't manage to find alot, at least found some clothes that made me look less fat (i think). Of course anyone can say that I actually don't look that fat compared to other pregnant ladies, but firstly - their husbands are around to make them feel loved, mine isn't. When I feel ugly, no one really is around to give me a hug and say don't be stupid (and maybe just give me an ice cream at the same time to make me feel better) although I really did appreciate all the fb comments from friends who tried to encourage me. But still.. it is super tough to look in the mirror and see this monster of a tummy looking at me (T.T). The only comfortable place is when I lie down to sleep because when I lie flat, my tummy looks smaller haha.

I tried to put all my energy into other stuff instead - like crocheting & diablo-ing. Hopefully these will tide me through until the bb comes. I'm scared, even though I think the husband being there was not a must, but now all these insecurities are coming over me & I really do wish Ryo can be here in time, because they don't allow other family members in the delivery suite. & this other guy was saying his wife's heart stopped during labour & had to be revived ... what if I die and I never see Ryo ever again!? sighz..

I went for the detailed scan on Wednesday, and everything seems ok. Took the day off, & went around with mum to get the basic necessities for the bb. After that we just relaxed at Starbucks, which made it quite a good day of no work and just taking my mind off things.

千九百八十五： Back in Singapore

I love the dome roof of the National Museum

Maybe it's the hormones. But I'm just kinda wishing that I'm back in Japan already.

I dunno how come things can just change from quite ok to such awkwardness.  Maybe friendship is really only skin-deep? Now that I have a pregnant tummy, I'm repulsive and any show of concern towards a pregnant friend might be inappropriate? It's a depressing thought, and all the more so because I am feeling really ugly and any kind words or concern or some true friendship is actually very welcome and much appreciated. Some insensitive pig actually asked why I looked like a clown in my baggy bottoms. I just replied that cos I can't fit into my normal shorts anymore?? (T.T)